caffeine is a godsend.
Jul. 31st, 2011 11:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tropiaveraI have a feeling I'll be processing everything from my sister's wedding over the weekend for a long time, but I wanted to share an instant classic in the Tropie Family Stories lexicon:
PART ONE:
Scene: during dinner. My cousin A, age 25, stands up from the table. Our grandmother starts in giving him the business about how terrible it looks with his wallet and keys and phone all in his trouser pockets and coerces him into putting everything into his jacket pockets instead. He complies, and she tells him how much better the lines of the pants look. He goes in search of a drink.
MINUTES LATER:
Scene: inside on a staircase Now, I wasn't there for this, but it has been verified by every party involved, so I feel pretty confident about it, but from all reports, my grandmother was going up the stairs when she saw the male figure in front of her looking exactly like my cousin*, she did what any grandmother does: she grabbed the hell out of her grandson's ass.
Of course, then the guy who was IN NO CAPACITY MY COUSIN, but in fact one of the other bridesmaid's boyfriends (who had come down from his training as a Marine just for the wedding), and this dude, this poor, sweet, shy dude responded admirably, and then APOLOGIZED for not being my cousin. And then my cousin and other cousin, A's younger sister A2, came upon my grandmother in the stairs, reacted in not-actually-all-that-surprised horror and immediately ushered Poor Marine Guy away to get him more wine.
THIS MORNING:
Scene: outside a coffee shop
Grandma: Oh, now you see, A has all of this junk in his pockets again, when that's why he was so embarrassed last night in the first place.
A: I'm pretty sure if anyone was in the position to be embarrassed last night, it was not me.
Grandma: [literal kanyeshrug]
FIN.
*Um, also, Poor Marine Guy looks NOTHING LIKE MY COUSIN. PMG has like, four to five inches on him, a marine haircut, holds himself like a marine as opposed to your standard dude slouch, and was wearing a completely different outfit. So, you know. Grandma's got needs, son.
PART ONE:
Scene: during dinner. My cousin A, age 25, stands up from the table. Our grandmother starts in giving him the business about how terrible it looks with his wallet and keys and phone all in his trouser pockets and coerces him into putting everything into his jacket pockets instead. He complies, and she tells him how much better the lines of the pants look. He goes in search of a drink.
MINUTES LATER:
Scene: inside on a staircase Now, I wasn't there for this, but it has been verified by every party involved, so I feel pretty confident about it, but from all reports, my grandmother was going up the stairs when she saw the male figure in front of her looking exactly like my cousin*, she did what any grandmother does: she grabbed the hell out of her grandson's ass.
Of course, then the guy who was IN NO CAPACITY MY COUSIN, but in fact one of the other bridesmaid's boyfriends (who had come down from his training as a Marine just for the wedding), and this dude, this poor, sweet, shy dude responded admirably, and then APOLOGIZED for not being my cousin. And then my cousin and other cousin, A's younger sister A2, came upon my grandmother in the stairs, reacted in not-actually-all-that-surprised horror and immediately ushered Poor Marine Guy away to get him more wine.
THIS MORNING:
Scene: outside a coffee shop
Grandma: Oh, now you see, A has all of this junk in his pockets again, when that's why he was so embarrassed last night in the first place.
A: I'm pretty sure if anyone was in the position to be embarrassed last night, it was not me.
Grandma: [literal kanyeshrug]
FIN.
*Um, also, Poor Marine Guy looks NOTHING LIKE MY COUSIN. PMG has like, four to five inches on him, a marine haircut, holds himself like a marine as opposed to your standard dude slouch, and was wearing a completely different outfit. So, you know. Grandma's got needs, son.