Snow White & The Jesus Christ My Emotions

[tropiavera]

AHHHHHH??? I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THIS!! Here, let's get the criticisms out of the way first:

- What was with all the random and totally tacked on as an afterthought Christianity?? I was fully expecting Snow White to throw her twig dolls (???????) into the fire as a curse or something. And then Thor's ".....and now you'll be in heaven!!!" Was it to keep it from being too pagan? Because, spoiler alert, too late. And I loved it.

- Not over the moon about the ~BLIND MYSTIC~ business. ALSO: was it so necessary to cast Nick Frost and Ian McShane and then CGI dwarf them?? WHY.

- Speaking of CGI, okay, the fairies - I'm not totally decided, but the audience at my midnight showing made this universal noise that was part amazed, part horrified, 100% feeling both those things, "UUUAAAAAAAAA...WWWWWW???????"

- Why did her brother have that creepball haircut? Honestly. I get it, he's a creepy monster. Does it not get irritating to trim them every other day to maintain that length?

- Uhhhhh GOD I DON'T KNOW LET'S TALK ABOUT HOW FUCKING GORGEOUS THAT MOVIE WAS. The first scene with the mirror took my breath away, as did the scene when the crows return to the castle and the Queen just oozes out of this still congealing mass. GOD. And the animals in the Sanctuary! That mossy snake! UGH.

- HEY REMEMBER THAT TIME THE QUEEN WAS BASICALLY A MORE FULLY REALIZED URSULA FROM THE LITTLE MERMAID OKAY COOL THANKS

- And then Snow White killed her, and they both wept? Because Snow White didn't hate her, she just felt sorrow. Because the world made the Queen a monster, but that didn't mean she can devour the world. UGH.

- CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW THE HUNTSMAN IS THE HAN SOLO-IEST MOFO SINCE THE ORIGINAL? I'm sorry, maybe that's sacrilegious, BUT I AIN'T CARE. Jeezy chreezy. I need like a million comparison picspams immediately. I'm a little bummed out they didn't fully commit to that dynamic and have him standing next to William at her coronation all sassy and in love, but I also understand why they wouldn't want to go there. I GUESS. When we first see William as an adult and the Duke tells him they've heard she escaped, and he kind of gasps out "She's alive??", I felt like maaaaybe I could handle him, but maaaaaaaaaaaaaan. When the Hunstman starts talking to Snow White while she's in the coma, there were like, at least a dozen excited gasps. I was basically chewing my thumb off at that point. P.S. I need a sequel with at least three times as much kissing, with no parties in a coma. Thank you.

- It reminded me of Hanna, a bit, in the cinematography, the way Snow White reflected elements of the various environments she was in. I wish SWATH had more of Hanna's explicit feminist bent, tho.

- Okay, I do wish they had engaged a little more with its whiteness. Both on a story level and a casting level.

- UGH!!!!

Comments

[pathstotread]

THAT WAS SOME HAN SOLO/PRINCESS LEIA REALNESS, I TELL YOU WHAT! THRICE MORE KISSING: THE SWATH SEQUEL!

I would have more thoughts but my body is made up entirely of feels at this point.

[whatimages]

YES THIS. God I loved that they didn't make snow white and ravenna white and black adversaries. That might be my favourite part. IT WAS JUST SO GREAT. It's so rare you see that kind of adversarial relationship between women that isn't totally poisonous.

I honestly thought I wasn't going to like snow/thor but dang they really sold it to me. I bet she makes the huntsman like the captain of her guard. he has to spend a lot of time kneeling before the throne. you know.

[tropiavera]

Ughhh, SO GOOD!! They balanced the dynamic SO WELL, I still can't get over it.

I HOPE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SUGGEST THAT AND THEN JUST LEAVE. That would just not be on.

[whatimages]

I was in fact planning to do exactly that. I just felt the need to share.