tonight, on the girlfriends show:

[tropiavera]

Once upon a time, ABC Family started airing Pretty Little Liars, and it was pretty much exactly the ridiculous Desperate Housewives: Little Sisters series that I had expected. But amidst all of the cheesy line deliveries and dramatic synchronized text messaging (yes), there emerged a plotline against which I have no defense: teenage girlfriends.



Meet Emily.



She's had a rough time lately: a friend of hers ("friend" here used in an incredibly generous sense of the word) disappeared, woe! Also, her dad is away on service in Afghanistan, and she has a secret. Her life is filled with dramz, basically.

This is Maya!



Her life is filled with incredible hair, obvs, though it has not yet been revealed if it is similarly filled with secrets. She just moved to the neighborhood and wouldn't you know it, but Emily is sent over as the welcome wagon.



The flirty, flirty welcome wagon.

Emily's friends are generally equally beset by secrets, both of the hair and of the soul, but they are pretty rad ladies.



Some of them make terrible life choices to sleep with their high school teachers in a way that Robin Scherbatsky would not endorse, but whatever, this isn't about Lucy Hale. Also, unfortunately for our heroine, she is at the outset of our program dating a dude, which since this is set in the Pretty Little Liars universe means he is tragically afflicted with Murder Eyes.*



I know what you're thinking: he doesn't look so bad! It's because he's not looking directly at the camera, okay? I tried to spare you as much as I could.

There's also Toby, who is less afflicted with Murder Eyes and more afflicted with a general creepbag demeanor.



Despite the demeanor, he's not all bad (or is he?! spoiler alert: no one has a fucking clue, all anyone knows is dude used to sleep with his stepsister).

Oh, remember Emily's missing friend? Allison?



She's totally dead, whoops. (Probably.) Don't be too sad, she was a complete asshole. She blackmailed basically everyone around her because "secrets keep you close," you know, normal friend stuff, which is the driving action of most of the show. Upside, though: that's if you were watching Pretty Little Liars: Classic Edition, which you're not! This is Pretty Little Liars: Updated Lesbian Edition, and do Emily and Maya look bothered about non-girlfriend related plots?



I submit to you that they do not.

With that in mind, if PLL:ULE (rolls right off the tongue) is a show relevant to your interests, I suggest you follow the bouncing ball over yonder, in which location you will find a superedit of the twelve aired episodes.

EDITED TO ADD: For some reason in the middle the audio cuts out for the scenes from episode nine, but you can have those scenes HERE with bonus audio! Sorry about that.

* Murder Eyes: n. A condition wherein one's eyes are a barren wasteland, devoid of emotions other than the entirely too transparent desire to kill. See: Bomer, Matt.

Comments

[allchildren]

HAHA OH GOD HOW DID YOU FIND THE WORLD'S MOST DISQUIETING PICTURE OF MATT BOMER

BESIDES THE PROBABILITY THAT EVERY PICTURE OF MATT BOMER QUALIFIES AS SUCH

uM, I mean, thanks tropie! You are a gentlewoman and a scholar.

[tropiavera]

THERE ARE MORE HORRIFYING PICTURES, BELIEVE ME.

<333!

- Dr Tropie Jones, PhD in Girlfriendology

AN UPDATE

[tropiavera]

PS, I have been alerted that the audio cuts out at one point in there, but the scenes from episode nine that are fubar are HERE!

[ex_lucidity482]

PERFECTION.

I am downloading this so hard. RIGHT NOW.

[tropiavera]

Why thank you!

WATCH AND ENJOY.

[heathershaped]

Wait you superedited for Emily/Maya (read: the only important) stuff?

*_____* I MEAN I ENJOY THE SHOW UNIRONICALLY AND WATCHED IT ALL ANYWAY EVEN WHEN IT WAS TERRIBLE BUT THIS IS SO GREAT YOU ARE SO GREAT

[tropiavera]

Tumblr finally provoked me into it, I claim no responsibility for my actions.

Hahaha, thank you!

[tropiavera]

PS, I have been alerted that the audio cuts out at one point in there, but the scenes from episode nine that are fubar are HERE!

[pseudo_tsuga]

Thank you so much! Your superdit is very relevant to my interests.

[tropiavera]

PS, I have been alerted that the audio cuts out at one point in there, but the scenes from episode nine that are fubar are HERE!

[ex_lucidity482]

OH NOES TROPIE

At about 48 minutes the sound cuts out! AND IT DOES NOT RETURN UNTIL ABOUT 58:30!

TEN MINUTES OF GIRLFRIENDS, NO SOUND :((

[tropiavera]

WOE AND ALAS.

A WILD UPDATE APPEARS AND USES "ACTUAL AUDIO". It's super effective!

[wordsatourbacks]

Hello! Thank you very much for uploading the superedit(s), because I definitely would not have watched any of this show otherwise and this is a surprisingly complex and realistic (apart from the soapiest parts related to Allison's disappearance/murder) subplot, especially considering target audience. I was really tickled to find Eric Steinberg guesting as Emily's dad, since I've liked the actor for years and wanted to see more of him in sympathetic roles. (And now I actually care about Toby too! Not what I was initially expecting from the creepbag demeanor. I would even lay odds that he didn't kill Allison.) I am also impressed by the appropriateness of the Murder Eyes sobriquet for Matt Bomer, etc. Too apt!

[tropiavera]

No, thank you! That's really what I'm finding fascinating about this show, and part of why I wanted to put this up, the surprising realism of it. I haven't seen Eric Steinberg in anything before, but I've really enjoyed his performance here and hope he comes back soon. I really love the way Emily's various peer characters were supportive before she came out, it's such a fantastic message to have in a show like this.

And now I actually care about Toby too! Not what I was initially expecting from the creepbag demeanor.
Haha, right? There was a scene in Monday's episode where he was walking through town and children literally fled from his presence. It was simultaneously hilariously over the top and still sad.

[wordsatourbacks]

I first saw Eric Steinberg as a recurring character in the one-season TV series Day Break, which starred Taye Diggs and Moon Bloodgood - Steinberg was pretty compelling even as a highly problematic stereotypical Chinese American triad boss, and then I saw him again as a one-off in Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, where he played a more nuanced but ultimately problematic Ethically Sketchy Asian Businessman (this time explicitly Japanese American). So it's really nice to see him again, especially since his role on SCC featured him as a loving dad whose relationship with his teenage son is important to the episode.

There was a scene in Monday's episode where he was walking through town and children literally fled from his presence. It was simultaneously hilariously over the top and still sad.

Wow. Oh, Toby. Yikes.